Many are disappointed when they walk off the mat at night’s end. We’ve heard and told them all and more:

“I’m winded after the warm-up.” 

“The ‘move of the day’ coach taught was confusing and harder to do when live.”

“I’m wiped at the end of the first roll.”

“I don’t get matched with the partners that I want.”

“I got submitted every round.”

“My partners beat me like a drum.”

Disappointment is natural. Making excuses, compensating, blaming, accusing, frustration, or not showing up is easy. Yes, it’s perfectly fine to complain, bemoan, self-deprecate, or joke about a hard session, program, or competition. We are part of the same tribe and empathize – we have been in the same situation, or we are in that position today.

It’s fun to win! It’s fulfilling to win! But winning is often evasive in any sport or activity. It’s a feeling you can’t catch, but you know you want it. It’s often your own shadow. 

I had the habit of running the same route at the same time of the day for about six months.   My chosen daily route had me coming home with the rising sun at my back. On a fall night, I happened to notice my shadow. More importantly, I noticed it in the last ¼ mile. My shadow beat me across my personal finish line for the day. Seriously, I incoherently was mad that my own shadow beat me home. That night, I reran the same route. Guess what? The sun was on my face, and I beat my shadow to the finish line. I knew I would win, but it felt good to get a win. More profoundly, I crafted the win.

Crafting your win is essential. 

Each practice, craft an achievable goal. Craft a goal that is achievable with effort. I have the flexibility to attend class often. Here are some of my personal wins right now:

Tired? I don’t let anyone pass my guard = win

Frustrated/Hard day? Slow down the pace = win

Working against a high-level opponent? Pass their guard = win

Working against a tough opponent? Not to be submitted = win

Working against a competitive opponent? Win the round = win

Working against a lower-skilled opponent? Submission = win

But, on some days, everything is achievable, and wins are easy

There are also days when I feel good and everything is easy. These good days fill me with motivation for the hard days.

If you consistently win, you must change what a win means over time and make the wins more challenging as your skills develop. My wins have changed over time and will continue to evolve.

Practice is not for winning. Practice is doing the hard things. You probably shouldn’t be winning all your rolls. You should be “losing” a lot, too. Losing teaches you to overcome adversity and to seek a new path to solve a problem.   Overcoming adversity is a superpower in training. Learn to overcome small hills to overcome mountains in the future.

Muhammad Ali has my favorite training quote: “The fight is won or lost far away from witnesses – behind the lines, in the gym, and out there on the road, long before I dance under those lights.”  My personal mantra is “You can’t cheat the grind.”

But, again, don’t listen to blue belts.